This service is being delayed due to a... Er... Signal failure.
– What exactly is a signal failure? Do you think it means that a bulb has popped in one of the green or red lights and they're waiting for someone to come and screw a new one in? Or is it just the public transport equivalent of 'I'm washing my hair'? And what about 'planned engineering work'. Are we supposed to believe that just because they've thrown in the word 'planned' it's all ok?
– Personally I think a lot of the tube relies on good luck. I mean – some of these tunnels date back yonks. It's probably a miracle that things work at all. We should be thankful.
– Well... As long as they don't go and do something crazy like install air-conditioning. I plan to spend all of next winter down here when we can't afford to heat the house anymore.
– I'm going to go and stand next to traffic lights and wait for buses to come and leak hot fumes on me.
– Oh the tragic irony of modern man thriving on aged technology and pollution.
– We're the cockroaches of the noughties. When everything else has sucumbed to global disaster, there still be londoners.